Today we raise our fists high and put our hands together in celebration of our Feature Girl Warrior, super fundraiser and youth mental health advocate Kristen Bones. On July 1, 1988, when Kristen was 12 years old, her mother was killed by a drunk driver. She was 38. After years of suffering in silence and dealing with unimaginable grief, she realized there wasn’t much help for kids who were experiencing mental health issues like she endured. She also realized that this age group needed more tools, awareness, and support so they don’t suffer in silence and grow into adulthood still holding and carrying that suffering deep within. Like she did. That’s when Kristen took action and became “the change she wanted to see in the world” by speaking out about her mental health struggles. The more she talked openly about her mental health, others reached out to her to talk about theirs. It was then that she knew she had to do something. To honour her mother and promote mental health awareness in youth she started the 38 for 38 movement with an initial goal to raise $3838. Looking for a small grassroots non-profit to support, a friend introduced her to Buddy Check for Jesse and its founder of Dr. Stu Gershman, who had turned a personal tragedy into a positive initiative for youth. Having her own child in organized sports, and understanding the importance of coaches in his life, Kristen knew that she had found her landing spot and the charity she wanted to support. Every year since, starting on July 1, you can find Kristen on the move for at least 38 minutes for 38 days – running, walking, kayaking or playing volleyball. And she encourages all of us to set up our own “38 for 38 for Buddy Check”. And to that we say an enthusiastic YES!
How would you define a Girl Warrior?
A Girl Warrior as a survivor, a woman who has overcome tough obstacles in their lives.
What is your fondest childhood memory of life in Belle River with your mom and sister Kerry?
We used to go to my Aunt Darlene’s all the time and play with our cousins. We would get tornado warnings all the time; the tornado never made it to us, but it always brought a crazy storm. My mom and Aunt would sit on the front porch and watch the storm roll in, my sister cousins and I would be outside until we heard that clap of thunder and go running inside screaming and laughing.
What happened on July 1, 1988, that changed your life forever?
It was the worst day of my life. At 12 midnight on July 1st my Mother Susan Bones was killed by a drunk driver.
How did you deal with your grief?
I don’t know if I really did, I just stopped caring about myself and what I did. I realized anger was wrong and had to learn forgiveness.
What realization did you come to during the COVID lock-downs?
When my sons started to struggle with mental health, that’s when I knew our youth were in trouble, kids from abusive homes had no escape, our youth need help. So, I decided they need another voice, and I decided that voice would be mine and we needed to make a change now. The first year I raised awareness for youth mental health, and drinking and driving. The next year I raised money for Kids Help Phone, and the following year I discovered the Buddy Check for Jesse Society. I got involved with Buddy Check through someone I know; I was welcomed with open arms. From day one, everyone was amazing, inspiring, helpful and kind. It was an instant family; I love what they stand for and what they are teaching. I have a lot of mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so happy that charities like Buddy Check exist; I wish they had programs like this when I was young. It also made me realize that youth mental health is not priority with our government, the funding is just not there, and we need to make a change – now.
What’s 38 for 38?
38 for 38 is dedicated to my beautiful mother Susan Bones whose life was taken by a drunk driver at the young age of 38. The first few years of taking part in Buddy Check I ran for 38 days for 38 minutes or more; now I like to encourage people, from July 1st and for the next 38 days, to be physically active – to get outdoors and kayak, swim, walk, run, etc.
How did your mental health affect your children? What do parents need to know?
It affected my son. I am not an affectionate person and maybe that affected him, although throughout his life I didn’t hide it from him; I wanted to be upfront and honest. I hope that I can say I guided him through it.
I would say parents need to remember the difficulties of being a kid, how it was growing up. I didn’t have social media (thank goodness); I can’t imagine how tough it is to grow up now. So, parents be patient, be open to any kind of conversation and always let them know you are there for anything, and that you love them no matter what.
What does “healing” look like to you?
That’s a really tough question. When someone can talk about what has happened in their lives and can truly smile with their soul.
What would you say to your younger Girl Warrior?
Be who you want to be in your life and always use your voice and make it be heard. There is always somebody listening
What would you say to future Girl Warriors looking for inspiration?
Live to be kind, live to be heard and live to be happy, make a positive mark in this world.
Who is/are your Girl Warrior hero(s) and why?
My first Girl Warrior is my sister Kerry Anne Bones, who at the age of 14 became a mother to me. She has always been there when I needed someone; she is raising 4 amazing humans, has always let people know her door is always open and she has defeated a lot of opposition throughout her life. I am so freaking proud of her.
My second would be my Aunt Debra Toffan, who also went through such a tragedy losing her sister. She became mine and my sister’s number one protector. She made her mark in the entertainment industry by being a very successful Emmy Award winning voice director for cartoons. So proud. She has always been there for us.
Third would be my Nana Patricia Martens, 97 years; this amazing woman beat cancer twice, broke her hip and not once complained; she will always be the strongest woman I know.
Fourth, but definitely not last, my niece Lola Booi, who is now 21; I was there when she was born. Growing up, Lola dealt with A LOT of bullying. She had a lot of anxieties and just a really tough time in school. In high school she got counseling and now she works hard, goes to school, moved out with her incredible partner, got their first dog and is just all-around successful. She breaks through barriers every day, that’s a true warrior.
Blue Sky it. No boundaries here, just limitless opportunities. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I see myself living up north, working at a gardening center, aiming to start up my own farm for mistreated and abused animals so one day our youth, who are suffering can come and see you can heal, it just takes, love, kindness and patience.
Living or dead, who would you like to have lunch with?
I would like to have lunch with my Mom, just so I could smell her, hear her laugh and her voice. I don’t remember much of my Mom; the things I think I remember I don’t know if it is true or made up. One last moment to fill that hole in my heart for an hour.
Describe yourself in five words.
Kind, funny, caring, energetic and hardworking
If a movie were written about your life, what would it be called and who would play you?
“Life with Bones.” Everyone calls me Bones. Anna Kendrick would play me.
To learn more about Buddy Check for Jesse head over to their website at https://buddycheckforjesse.com/
Connect with Kristen on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/kristen.bones
Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/bonesrunningwithasthma/?hl=en
TikTok at https://www.tiktok.com/@kristenbonestightlaces
LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristen-bones-b42970b0/?originalSubdomain=ca
