Today we raise our fists high and put our hands together in celebration of our Feature Girl Warrior, Self-Love Coach Nisha Goyal, known as The Self Love Maven, who has journeyed through burnout and emerged stronger, with a profound understanding of the importance of self-love. Nisha believes that loving yourself is the key to well-being, especially for high-achieving professional women who often rely on external measures of success to feel worthy. She’s not just about helping women manage stress or improve self-care routines, she’s helping them rediscover their inner strength, embrace their worth, and cultivate lives filled with joy and purpose. Her approach recognizes that high-achieving women often struggle with putting themselves first, and she’s creating a movement around the radical act of self-love. Her message, that loving yourself is the foundation of true well-being, challenges women to rethink their relationship with achievement and success. Nisha believes that the most important love story is the one you have with yourself. And to that we say a profound loving YES!
Define what a Girl Warrior is to you.
A Girl Warrior is a woman who marches to the beat of her own drum and lives the life that she wants to live. Putting societal expectations aside, when we think of a warrior, sometimes we have images of a woman in battle. But I think as women, we’re born into a society that has certain expectations of us, literally from the moment that we come out of the womb. I think that is a daily battle to live a life that defies what society says you’re supposed to do. True happiness lies in living a life that aligns with your truth.
What happened on December 25th, 2014, that changed the trajectory of your life?
This was my midlife crisis. Years prior to this day, I had moved to another city, and I’d literally quit my life in 19 days. I was burnt out and I thought maybe if I just lived somewhere else that I would feel better. So, I changed my whole life, my surroundings, everything, and created this new “abundant” life, at least from what you could see on the outside. I had a beautiful home, money in the bank and all these material things, and yet I found myself alone on Christmas. This was not where I wanted to be. We think of it as a time for family and friends, but I was very isolated and felt utterly alone and disconnected from myself. I was numbing myself big time. I was using alcohol to check out of my life. I remember just having this moment where I thought “there’s got to be something better than this.” That was when I decided that no matter what happened in my life, A) it had to go uphill from there, and B) I had to start going inward to really fix what was going on inside of me. I realized that I needed to focus on my own journey instead of berating myself for not having the life that society told me I should have. It was one of those rock bottom moments that I knew I had to fix what was going on in my mind, my thoughts and feelings. If I didn’t make a change, I knew I was going to keep having more bad moments like this and that I would not be able to live the life I wanted. I had to make change.
What were you doing work-wise?
At the time I was in a corporate career that was not fulfilling. I didn’t have any purpose. I was living under a cloud of scarcity in every way possible. I didn’t like my life. I didn’t like where I was living. I didn’t like the people that I was spending time with. I didn’t like the job I was going to. I just felt like I had no belonging and no purpose in any area of my life. And I basically lost touch with who I was. Completely. I had material things but I realized that what really mattered was how I felt on the inside. Nice things don’t help when you are using them to numb your pain.
What does self-love truly mean?
Self-love is how we treat ourselves. It’s the same thing that you give to another person, but instead, giving this to yourself. You wouldn’t treat another person negatively. You wouldn’t yell and scream at them. You wouldn’t tell them they are stupid or mistreat them. You wouldn’t do those things to another person because you love them. So, self-love is giving this same thing to ourselves. Self-love goes hand in hand with self-worth, which is what we believe about ourselves. Self-trust is being able to rely on yourself. So, self-love encompasses all these things – love, trust, worth – that you give to other people. It’s really about giving these same things to ourselves. Unfortunately, we struggle a lot more with this because we don’t give it the same intentionality and frankly, we are not taught how to love ourselves or even that we should. Think about the process that we go through to date somebody else and find a partner and experience romance and love and even friendship. It’s a courtship and to me the relationship you have with yourself is also a courtship. It’s a lifelong courtship with no option for divorce.
How did you begin that process of self-love?
Self-love is like dating yourself and it’s a courtship. How do you start dating another person? By intentionally deciding and making a commitment. Start by making a commitment to yourself that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one. And then create the intention of getting to know yourself – because that’s what you do in the dating process. You might go to a movie or out for dinner, but really every interaction or date is a conversation. So, it starts with having a conversation with yourself. This is how I started – I just started to get curious about myself.
What is witnessing and how does it work?
Witnessing is the key to self-love and is my best tool – I do this through journaling. Start paying attention to your thoughts. How do you talk to yourself? What are you thinking? Why are you thinking it? Where is it coming from? Is it your thought? Is it something that your parents planted? It’s about having an intentional conversation and discovering and witnessing your thoughts. I do this every single day. I think it’s the simplest, best way for us to start down that journey of self-love because you can’t understand what you don’t witness. And the more that you pay attention to your thought patterns, you start to understand yourself. That’s where I tell people to start. I got curious about myself and why I was doing the things that I was doing and looking at the people, the activities, the things that I was letting into my life. Why do I spend time with this person when it doesn’t feel great? It’s witnessing your life; and the more you move towards the positive, the better you feel, and the more love you can bring to yourself. Because you’re honoring who you are. We think of self-love like going out for a spa day. It’s great when you’re having a fabulous day, but real self-love is more than that. It’s how you talk to yourself when you’re angry or frustrated or having a crappy day. In times like that I use a grace mantra: “I’m doing the best I can. I’m an innocent child of love. I forgive myself.”
How do we embrace alignment?
As you grow and you become more in tune with yourself, you start to realize that there are people around you who are invested in the older version of you, not the version of you that you are becoming. I had to cut people out of my life, which was very difficult. I spent a lot of time feeling sad and grieving. There’s a saying that says you are the five people you surround yourself with. I now constantly look at the people who are in my orbit. The people that enter my orbit are there because I allow them into my orbit. I choose to have them present in my life. These are people that I feel alignment with. We have aligned connection. You will have to let go of people, activities and things on the journey to an aligned life. I’ve had to create some very strong ironclad boundaries. I’ve had to go down that route in all areas of my life, especially in my personal life. I had to say, “this isn’t working for me.” Boundaries are energetic fences that we place on our time and our resources. And the better you get at that, the happier and more aligned your life will be. Alignment happens when you are living the life you want to live and that means spending time with the people you want to spend time with, and doing activities and work you love. When your life on the outside matches who you are on the inside, you are in alignment. Getting there is not easy but it’s well worth it.
How do we find self-worth?
Self-worth is what you believe about yourself so you have to make sure that you are repeating good things about yourself to yourself. As women, we’re taught that our worth lies in what we do for other people and that our goodness lies in pouring into everyone else. The work I do with my clients is really helping them understand what those limiting beliefs are and help them flip the script to a belief that is more empowering. Repeating mantras like, “I am good enough exactly as I am” will help to rewire your mind. If saying that makes you cringe, because it doesn’t feel true, then create a little bridge and start off with saying, “I’m open to the possibility that I am good enough exactly as I am.” Eventually you’ll get there.
How do we become the 10 out of 10 version of ourselves?
Start with crafting positive affirmations of the person you want to be. Create a script of the 10/10 version of you. What does she say to herself? How does she act? What does she think of herself? How does she dress? Who does she spend time with? What type of work does she do? You can create affirmations like: “I am strong, I am powerful, I am confident.” Then repeat this script or the affirmations daily. This is the work because it does not happen overnight. When you keep repeating these positive words, you start to feel it over time. Repetition is key. It took you years to cultivate a belief that you are not good enough and it is going to take just as long or even longer to change that belief. Remember that what you put out there will manifest into your reality. What you say after the words “I Am” you put into reality. So, if you keep saying, “I am stupid”, or “I am fat”, then you are literally putting this out into the Universe and it is giving more of this back to you. We don’t want that. Reframe it. For example, instead of saying “I am lazy” you can reframe this to say “I am worthy of rest”.
Why do you prefer appreciation over gratitude?
We know gratitude, we’ve heard it. It’s a buzz word. We think, we ‘have’ to be grateful, which can feel like too much sometimes and not authentic or true. It can have this air of indebtedness to it. But appreciation is different. It is more accessible. I’m not naming big things here. I’m not saying my home or the universe or whatever. The more you look around and focus on things to appreciate, the more you attract. It’s like a muscle that you flex. When you go to the gym, you don’t build the muscle by working out one time and lifting weights one time; you have to keep lifting the weight and flexing it. I flex the appreciation muscle. I do it every day, multiple times a day and it keeps me in that space, especially when I’m in a bad mood or having a bad day. When we are not having a good day, sometimes it can be hard to muster up gratitude. With appreciation, no matter what’s going on in my life or how bad a day I’m having, I give myself two minutes to stop and appreciate what I have. And the more I appreciate, the more I feel like I have. It is my way of putting out positive vibes so I get them back.
What was the best date you’ve ever taken yourself on?
I took myself on a solo all-inclusive seven-day trip. It was a long date. I went to Mexico, because I needed some rest. And I was in a situation where nobody was available to go. One of the things I’ve always been quite good at is to just go and not wait for someone else. This is how you love yourself – who says that you have to wait to go with someone? Self-love is about treating ourselves the way we want to be treated. I went to Mexico for a week and I sat on a beach with cream colored sand and turquoise colored water. I gave myself the rest and relaxation that I needed. I put flowers in my hair and went out for dinner and had beautiful meals and put on a nice dress. I did that for seven days in a row. By saying, “okay, nobody’s available to go with you, so just give yourself the rest because you need it,” you are loving yourself. I had moments where it feels challenging, but I honor whatever comes up.
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro when I was in burnout, so I would call that a full-on accomplishment. I climbed a 19,000-foot mountain after the worst period of my entire life. I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually burnt out. I had made a commitment to the climb and I needed a win after 6 years of chronic stress. I needed to accomplish something big. That was the type A overachiever in me. I was with a group of people, but I was the only Canadian and I didn’t know the others. Over eight days I climbed this mountain eight hours a day. I was at the back of the pack and I was exhausted. Talk about your inner critic. I had eight days to think about how slow I was and every crappy thing I thought about myself. But I made it to the summit. I wanted to I give up many times. And so, on that final night, it’s minus 20 degrees, pitch dark, nobody’s talking, everybody’s tired, my water is frozen and my hands are too, I’m thinking I can’t do this. At one point I’m literally putting my feet through what felt like quicksand; it was black sand, and my feet were sinking. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other. Then the sun came out. Physically and emotionally, it felt like a major event. I was above the clouds. That was proof that I had made it. This climb was a metaphor for life – when you are in the darkness, all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other and eventually the sun will come out. And it did. I raised money for Ovarian Cancer Canada as well, because I lost my mom to ovarian cancer and this cause is really important to me.
What would you say to your younger girl warrior?
I would tell her this: “You are good enough.” Full stop.
Who are your girl warrior heroes?
I honestly think that any woman who can walk through her struggles and rise above it and get up the next day and just keep moving forward is a Girl Warrior. They are the ones who are in the trenches with us, the ones that are on Kilimanjaro with us. They are often your mom or your best friend or your sister or anyone you know. It’s that person who’s very close to you and was always there for you or inspired you. I have a soft spot for that strong, independent, high achieving woman that everyone thinks, “Oh, she can do it. She’ll get it done. She’ll make it happen.” But there are days when she doesn’t want to get it done. I have days where I don’t want to do “it”, whatever “it” is. I am hoping that there is at least one woman out there who reads this interview and says “if she can do it, I can do it too. If she can climb Kilimanjaro when she was struggling, I can too. Or at least I’m going to try”.
What do you want us to know for sure about loving ourselves?
It’s simple. I just want every woman to know and understand that she’s the most important person in her life. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. It’s more important than your children, than your partner, than your family. When you honor that relationship and you take care of yourself first, then what you can give to the rest of your family, your children and your life, is so much greater. Everyone gets a better version of you. I coach women to heal their burnout and create a life where they are operating from overflow and a place of alignment and congruence. Who they are on the inside matches the life that they’re living on the outside. It is nobody’s job to love you. It’s your job to love yourself. This is your only job.
What books are on your nightstand?
I have two kinds of reads. I love books. I have a very thorough spiritual practice in the morning, so there are a lot of books on my coffee table that I use in my morning practice. I’m a big fan of Gabrielle Bernstein. She’s an amazing manifesting coach. Super Attractor and Miracles Now are on my table. I’m also reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. I’m on a manifesting kick. I’m all about manifesting abundance and love and all the things. I always read before bed, but I can’t read personal development. It needs to be fiction. I’m a big Nora Roberts fan. I’ve read a lot of her books. Montana Sky is on my bedside. I’m on a mission to read every single one of Nora Roberts novels!
Living or dead, who would you like to have lunch with?
I’m a big Swiftie, so I’d have lunch with Taylor Swift. It would be so fun. I’m fascinated by her – by her talent and the personal brand that she has created. I love her music – it moves me and makes me feel whatever I want to feel. Her ability to connect with people consistently is mind blowing. She seems like such a humble person. I couldn’t make it to her concert when she was in town last year and I wasn’t able to get tickets. So, yeah, let’s do lunch!
Blue sky it, no boundaries here, just limitless opportunities. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Oh, that’s easy. In five years, I see myself with an amazing partner. I’m a sought-after self-love expert, coach, author, speaker, podcaster. I travel the world and I have freedom in every way possible. My life is filled with love, health, and abundance.
If a film were written about your life, what would it be called and who would play you?
It would be called Fierce. I’m Indian, so Priyanka Chopra would play me. Bollywood style, with music and changing outfits and all that!
To learn more about Nisha and her work head over to her website. Be sure to check out her freebie offer while you’re there: https://nishagoyal.ca
Book a call with Nisha at: https://www.talkwithnisha.com
Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theselflovemaven/
And LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/nishagoyal
